The Gilbert Rap

Lyrics
One day I was asleep

I heard a puppy yapping

Can't stand dogs

Who interrupt my napping

So I went to have a chat with Odie

Told the puppy dog he ought to hit the road

He said, "No way"

Tried to contradict me

That was when the little puppy licked me

Oh, how I want to kick and clobber...

Full song

 * Meow
 * One day I was asleep
 * I heard a puppy yapping
 * Can't stand dogs
 * Who interrupt my napping
 * So I went to have a chat with Odie
 * Told the puppy dog he ought to hit the road
 * He said, "No way"
 * Tried to contradict me
 * That was when the little puppy licked me
 * Oh, how I want to kick and clobber
 * When I get covered with doggy slobber
 * But I was polite as I was able
 * And I kicked the doggy off the table
 * Landed on the floor, right in a heap
 * Next time, he won't interrupt my sleep
 * The guy I lived with got real sore
 * I said, "Hey, what are puppies for?"
 * Chorus:
 * That's called being a cat
 * (Lie around, get fat)
 * That's what it takes to be a cat
 * (Meow)
 * That's called being a cat
 * (Lie around, get fat)
 * You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
 * Just last night
 * I was having a snack
 * And this guy comes in
 * With a sackful of food
 * He said it was really great
 * Made for cats who are a little overweight
 * Well, he persisted with his plan
 * So I scoped the label out on the can
 * Beef by-products is how they try
 * To sell parts of the cow they can't identify
 * Well, he said it was good for my waist
 * And he forced me to take a little taste
 * I thought the stuff that he brought home
 * Tasted like ground up Styrofoam
 * He gave me a bowl,
 * But I couldn't complete it
 * I said "Hey, if it's so good,
 * Why don't you eat it?"
 * Chorus
 * Late at night I go out on the fence
 * Down the street from my residence
 * I bring my horn and I play a little jam
 * Starting at 3:00, maybe 4:00 a.m.
 * People in the building
 * Right across the way
 * Get a special kind of treat
 * When I start their day
 * Is there any better one
 * To start off all their morns
 * Than the coolest cat
 * With the hottest of horns?
 * I play some jazz, and I play some blues
 * And they offer tips in the form of shoes
 * Come the morning,
 * They walk out on the street
 * Lots of folks in their little stocking feet
 * But I am pleased to make them all a deal
 * Pays for a heck of a breakfast meal
 * Chorus
 * When I'm in the park,
 * People always want to pat
 * The furry head of a kitty cat
 * How many times have I heard it said
 * "Oh, he's cute" as they rub my head?
 * It was fun long ago
 * But the fun's been fading
 * I used to find the thing quite degrading
 * Until I came up with a solution
 * All I needed was
 * A little financial restitution
 * People pet me now and all is fine
 * Until I show them the price list on my sign
 * Pet the kitty on the head and neck
 * I accept credit cards, cash, or check
 * And next week our special rate begins
 * For folks who want to scratch me
 * Under my chin
 * Chorus
 * When I'm around
 * Women make a beeline
 * When they catch sight of this classy feline
 * Saturday night I pick up my date
 * That's the time we must celebrate
 * Some guys are trouble, some guys are fun
 * I'm Michael Jackson all rolled into one
 * She has more fun than she's ever known
 * Still, she'll yearn for that moment alone
 * That's the moment that goes to the heart
 * Then I smell something and quickly depart
 * What's so important
 * I'll leave her with ease?
 * Homemade lasagna with plenty of cheese
 * This is the end of The Gilbert Rap
 * Now pass me a pillow, it's time for my nap

Trivia

 * The music, lyrics and music video episode are the same as The Garfield Rap.
 * Gilbert mentions Michael Jackson in the last verse.
 * Chorus (x2, excluding Gilbert's lines)